They gave me a dress!

 


I really wanted this one but I didn't have the money. So they surprised me with it and I now I ought to make them cakes and hot chocolate every day.
I even slept with it in my bed (no, I didn't sleep in it).

Seulment une idée

Sometimes I believe that all we try to do all our lives is to show ourselves and other people who we are. Because there is no way we can put into words the entire meaning of our being, we have to break it up in bits and do our best. To do this we have to use our whole lives, because there is so much going on inside a person it takes more than a life to explain. Who are you? Well, I am the girl who draws lions studyingFrench verbs when she writes letters. I am the girl who likes cleaning her room because it feels like cleaning her head and her life. I am the girl who writes too many words in too many places because otherwise she’d feel like she was going mad (which I sometimes do anyway). And is this me? Yes, this is me. This is three pieces of me that people can find out and then get a vague impression of the being that I am.

What I am trying to say is that perhaps this is all there is. Trying to find out who you are and who the others are. I draw French lions in my letters because I feel like it, and I feel like it because I am the sort of person who feels like drawing French lions when I write letters.

This makes sense in my head. 

A very chokolaty cake

Ate chocolate cake with 300g of chocolate in it. And on the top. Also drank tea. Oh god.
We watched Like, totally Dylan Moran and two episodes of Doctor Who. This makes me so inexplicably happy I don’t know what to do, other than wade home through the snow and stay up too late at night. Tomorrow will be full of French verbs and children's books meetings. I should be asleep. 

Real snow this time!

Yesterday was nice. First I woke up after eleven hours of sleep, read some poems by Robert Frost for the cat (he slept next to me purring all night), ate some fruit and started writing. I’ve had some trouble writing lately, but yesterday it all fit. There was as much snow as ever, the characters decided to do quite unexpected things like fighting and falling through the ice of a lake I didn’t even know they were going to visit. And as I wrote the snow started falling outside, just a little bit at first, and then more and still more, so by the time I was supposed to go outside to meet Simon and Caroline it was already ankle deep. It felt a bit as if the snow had stepped out of my story and into reality at the same time as the real snow crept into my story and made it more vivid.

The city was showing off in her new white dress and the people were snowmen hurrying from one place to the other. We went on expeditions to buy cheep vegetables and waded home to make stew and drink beer. Lots of pictures I want to post but I can’t get them out of that stupid phone.

I wrote even more today and feel vastly satisfied with myself. Yay! 

Great

Am reading Crime and Punishment and being amazed by its awesomeness. Will hopefully use 2007 to finish Twin Peaks, Doctor Who and Carnivále with those three lovely girls who happens to my best friends and I’ve started to write seriously on my novel again. And more, I just came home from the second school day of this gathering. I feel more real than in a long time. It’s like I can finally touch things again, like a table for instance, and acknowledge its existence. This separateness has gone away, at least for a while.
So I am happy.

Fragments and annoying lines

I took a bus up to my grandmother so I could have half a week for myself, just to write and read. It’s so quiet here, I like it. Though so far it hasn’t turned out like I had hoped. I do write a lot, but not the sort of things I wanted to. It’s not as much exciting adventures filled with snow and small creatures, as either desperate fragments without beginnings or ends or simply demanding openings like:

“Du verden”, sa mormor. “Nå har jammen månen falt ned i hagen igjen.” Hun dro irritert i gardinene og ristet på hodet. ”Vi blir nødt til å ringe herr Larsen for å høre om ikke han kan heise den opp for oss.”
Jeg satt på gulvet og spikket en tremann. Jeg likte ikke mormor når hun ble irritert for bagateller.

I have, however, almost finished the plot for a picture book. So I went out to buy a note book in which to draw the model for it. How vexing it was to find the local book store couldn’t be bothered to sell note books without lines. I bought a nice looking one and I hope I will be able to ignore them. Oh well, will be starting on it very shortly.